Daughters in War: Part 1
They were never in the war, but shaped by it
Daughters in War is a reflection on how war shapes more than the generation that lived it. It shapes the families that come after, the women who were raised in it, and the daughters who carry pieces of it forward. This is not about canceling our story. It is about understanding what was carried, acknowledging its impact, and choosing to move forward with a more grounded sense of peace.
We live in a culture that talks about peace, but often moves past the reality of pain too quickly. It is easier to say we want joy than it is to sit with what people have actually carried to get there. For many women, this did not begin with them. It comes from what they have lived, what they have seen, and what was passed down over time.
When I think about war, I do not only think about something distant. I think about my grandfather and the war he fought in, and what my mom had to grow up with because of that. The absence, the return, the expectations, and the way life had to keep moving all shape something. That kind of life creates strength, but it also creates patterns in how we love, respond, and carry responsibility.
Our mothers were raised by parents shaped by World War II, Korean War, and Vietnam War. Today, many of us are raising our own children in the context of post-9/11 service, with the Iraq War, the War in Afghanistan, and the United States withdrawal from Afghanistan in 2021 still shaping family life. The details look different, but the impact on the home is still there.
When we step back and see the full picture, it becomes harder to reduce any one generation to a simple explanation. Each one responded to what was in front of them. Not everything we carry came from something that can be corrected. Some of it came from the reality of the time.
We are living in a time that is quick to dismiss what is hard. But when it comes to our own families, that approach creates distance without understanding. We are not meant to cancel our story or the people who came before us. We are meant to understand what shaped them, and in turn, what shaped us.
There is a responsibility in that understanding to stop judging somoneone solely for how they were raised; it does not excuse behavior, but it allows us to move forward with more peace.
As Mother’s Day approaches, this becomes personal. It is easy to carry expectations into a day like that and measure it against what we think it should be. But when we begin to understand what shaped us, something shifts. We start to see the relationship in context, not just in the moment.
From there, we can pause before reacting, notice what we are carrying into the present, and release some of the pressure to make the day look a certain way. This may look like acknowledging what your mother carried, recognizing your own patterns, or simply showing up without forcing something that is not there.
This is where the work begins. And as we move toward Mother’s Day, that awareness allows us to let go of expectations and begin to embrace what is real, with more room for peace.
