Daughters in War: Part 2

Daughters in War is a reflection on how war shapes more than the generation that lived it. It shapes the families that come after, the women who were raised in it, and the daughters who carry pieces of it forward. This is not about canceling our story. It is about understanding what was carried, acknowledging its impact, and choosing to move forward with a more grounded sense of peace.

Becoming Women

We are the generation shaped by 9/11, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the sudden pullout in 2021. Those events did not just happen around us, they shaped how we see the world, how we respond, and how we live today. At the same time, many of us were the latchkey generation, coming home to empty houses and turning on Oprah Winfrey after school, learning that it was okay to talk about what we feel while our mothers were at work.

We were raised in homes shaped by what came before us, learning from mothers who carried more than we fully understood at the time. Now we are in a different place. Old enough to see the patterns, to recognize what was passed down, and to decide how we want to respond to it. That brings both awareness and responsibility. Not to judge where we came from, but to understand it, and in that understanding, to begin approaching it differently.

Many of us became capable early. We learned how to handle what was in front of us and how to keep things moving. Those strengths carry into adulthood. They show up in our work, in our homes, and in the way we show up for others. At the same time, some of those same patterns can begin to feel heavy when everything depends on us continuing to carry them in the same way.

This is often where the tension begins. We respect where we come from. We understand, at least in part, what shaped our mothers. But we also begin to recognize where those patterns are showing up in our own lives in ways that are not always sustainable. Not because they are wrong, but because we are now in a position to respond with more awareness.

If you have a strained, nonexistent, wonderful, loving, or complicated relationship with your mother, that is your reality. And your reality also includes how you choose to respond to it. We are living in a culture where it has become easy to distance ourselves and call it resolved. At the same time, there are situations where a relationship is not safe, and that matters. But for many of us, there is a space in between. A place where we can acknowledge what is hard without completely walking away from the story.

If you have not talked to your mom in a while, and you are in a place where it feels appropriate, consider reaching out. Not to fix everything. Not to force anything. Just to take a step.

Becoming a woman in this context is not about rejecting what we were given. It is about recognizing it. It is about seeing where strength has served us and where it may need to be approached differently. That does not happen all at once. It happens in small moments.

It may look like pausing before stepping in, noticing when you feel responsible for holding everything together and choosing to step back, or letting something be unfinished without rushing to fix it. As Mother’s Day approaches, this matters. It is easy to fall into familiar roles, but when you start to see where they came from, you have more room to decide how you want to show up, not perfectly, just differently. You are not separate from what shaped you, but you are also not required to carry it the same way. This is where it begins, in how you choose to respond right in front of you.

If you are in a place where it is appropriate, call your mom. Make peace. Say I love you. Maybe say I am sorry. Maybe say please forgive me.