When We Don’t Sleep

A reflection on sleepless nights, service family life, and responsibility in the Central Valley

By Jana N. Yost, M.A., APCC | Coach & Consultant

I did not sleep last night. Not because of one headline or one post, but because social media now gives anyone an open audience. A place to post propaganda, opinion, and misinformation without a pause or responsibility. I am angry too. I am confused. I have questions. I do not fully understand what is happening either. And in the quiet hours, the questions get closer. WIll my husband be safe at work? WIll my children be safe at school?

As a serving spouse, that noise does not stay online. My title never leaves me. It is not something I can step out of when the conversations turn sharp or accusatory. It stays with me a lifetime, and I know many other spouses carry it the same way. It hurts deeply when friends and family share propaganda or information that bears no truth, especially when the person you love was there in the middle of the chaos and is blamed for something they did not do or for simply doing their job.

Here in the Central Valley, service is a part of everyday life. It looks like early mornings, long shifts, school drop-offs, and families counting on their people to come home. We are aware of the social injustices of the world. We see tragedies, the loss of life, and the pain that deserves attention and care. I still find beauty here too, in the quiet of the morning the sun rising over the Sierra Nevada mountains, in familiar roads, and the small moments we all recognize. These are the things we have in common, even when everything else feels divided.

Many of us are not sleeping. A life tied to service teaches us to think ahead and carry questions without answers. Serving spouses do not always have the freedom or luxury to make our hurt, pain, or confusion public. Carrying it is part of the reponsibility we never leave.