Remember the Flag

by Jana N. Yost

Today, May 15th is Peace Officers Memorial Day in the United States. You may notice flags being flown at half staff today to honor local, state, and federal law enforcement officers who have been killed or disabled in the line of duty. For many service families, even something as simple as seeing the flag lowered can bring a moment of reflection and perspective. But this day also quietly represents the sacrifices families make alongside them.

For many spouses, days like today bring reflection. Behind every badge is a home learning how to navigate unpredictability, sacrifice, stress, commitment, and love the best they can. Most service spouses are incredibly proud of the people they love. That pride and sacrifice often exist together.

A few months ago I wrote about the need to move from resiliency, to grit, and eventually toward contentment. The more conversations I have had since then, the more I realize why I felt such a strong need to say it out loud. I actually have a master’s degree in Human Services Counseling with an emphasis in resiliency, so I understand why resilience became such an important conversation after September 11 attacks. But somewhere along the way resilience stopped feeling supportive and started feeling like an expectation.

After 9/11 there was a surge in service professions. Alongside that came an entire generation of spouses learning how to adapt to deployments, shift work, emergency calls, missed holidays, fear, exhaustion, and constantly changing schedules. Many of us became very good at surviving while trying to keep life moving for everyone else around us.

I think service spouses see the world differently because of it. When your life has been shaped by unpredictability for years, it changes how you move through everyday life. You become grateful for ordinary moments because you understand how quickly life can shift.

But eventually constantly being told to “be resilient” starts to feel undermining. I do not think most service spouses want attention or praise. Honestly, many of us just want to be noticed and quietly acknowledged. We want people to understand that a life of service impacts families too.

At times being a service spouse in California’s Central Valley can feel invisible. Life keeps moving around you while you quietly adapt to another schedule change, another interrupted holiday, another late night call, or another exhausting season of life.

I am a service spouse and that will never change. Different uniforms created different experiences, but many service spouses carry similar burdens and understand one another without needing every detail explained.

Today especially, my heart is with the officers and families carrying loss, injury, grief, and sacrifice. Peace Officers Memorial Day is a reminder that behind every life dedicated to protecting others is also a family carrying that life alongside them.

Remember the flag.